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DAVID BENTLEY'S WEEKLY COLUMN |
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RETIREMENT PARTIES & FESTIVE WAKES
Retirement parties and festive wakes share similar purposes. Both events often attempt to be merry and upbeat in order to mask the true emotions of those involved. Both events are more for the benefit of the people being left behind than for those who are moving on. Both events allow those attending to say many of the things they wish they’d said sooner. Both events allow us to hold onto our best memories and overlook others. Both events mark the end of one adventure and the beginning of another. It is unfortunate that we so often wait until such events to achieve many of these purposes. Prior to the occurrence of a retirement party or wake, we manage to deny that there will ever be a need for either one. We banish them to the distant future. We assume that some day we’ll get around to saying and doing all the things we want to say and do but never seem to find the right time or place for saying and doing. Then our time together comes to a close, and we are filled with regret or the desire to blame. Maintaining any relationship is hard work. It requires being honest without being brutal. It requires skill at choosing one’s battles. It requires the recognition that acceptance doesn’t always imply approval. It requires the ability to maintain boundaries in some areas while being willing to compromise in others. It requires teachability as well as the ability to teach. Most of all, it requires us to be generously present rather than selfishly in denial. I’m sure that I will attend many more retirement parties and wakes before I depart this world. It is my vow, however, to approach all the relationships in my life in such a way that these events truly can be occasions for celebration rather than opportunities to regret or blame. Care to join me?
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SAN JUAN ISLANDER © 2008 |
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