Tangled Up in Pink

posted 10/18/2007
While I am aware of breast cancer, I was completely unaware of such a thing as Breast Cancer Awareness Month (October, in case you were unaware too). I did begin to marvel a couple of weeks ago when it seemed that so many things that aren't usually pink, like cat litter and M&Ms, started trespassing through my visual field. If you've ever read this column before, you know that I am both delighted and horrified how there isn't anything sacred in a capital economy.

If there is an angle, someone will find it and exploit it, and the ingenuity applied to these market tie-ins is fascinating, if not always admirable, to behold. Nowhere is this so evident as the pink-a-palooza frenzy that is Breast Cancer Awareness Month.

Way back in the summer, I started to collect examples of the ways that advertisers are slapping a pink folded ribbon on everything and trumpeting its sensitivity while, simultaneously, promoting itself. Who can argue with the message of a product that proclaims by its very color, "I CARE! BUY ME!"

But I was unprepared for the full-throttle pink experience when I was in line at the grocery store last week behind a young woman in pink running shorts and pink running shoes. Suddenly, I realized that all of the baggers had on pink t-shirts, and the space around the debit/credit scanner had a pink adhesive frame stuck to it.

Later, in Walgreens I saw that I could buy a Breast Cancer Awareness cosmetic case, a Breast Cancer Awareness aromatherapy candle, a Breast Cancer Awareness curling iron and a Breast Cancer Awareness drink koozie.

Later still, at a department store, I bumped into a display of Breast Cancers Awareness luggage tags, house slippers and Bucky travel pillows. Saturday, my on-line knitting supply store offered me Breast Cancer Awareness Stitch Markers, and one of my magazines advertised a Limited Edition Thomas Kinkade ceramic figurine entitled "A Lovely Vision of Hope" (accompanied by a numbered Certificate of Authenticity). It's a pink ribbon blitzkrieg.

This week, however, I finally caught on that we are in the grip of a national fundraiser for breast cancer research. I can't really find fault with this. This horrible disease has affected my family too (my sister), and it is surely a good thing that some of our purchasing dollar is being siphoned off towards finding a cure - presuming, of course, that the money goes where it's supposed to and isn't diverted to pink Benzes and pink condos in Kauai for nonprofit foundation board members.

After the pink dawn dawned on me, my daughter and I separated at the market on a sort of a Pink Ribbon Treasure Hunt to compile a list of grocery store items that had become surprisingly pink (like Wheat Thins); or failing full color transformation, at least announced their participation through packaging, In about fifteen minutes, we found Breast Cancer Awareness: Chapstick, Lucerne yogurt, Dial Pink Bodywash, Diet Hansen's soda, Triscuits, Snapple, Tylenol, Odwalla smoothies, Tic-Tacs, liquid laundry detergent (Tide in a pink plastic container - can you imagine it?), toilet paper, Polaroid disposable camera (hot pink), disposable razors, Sun Chips, tea, coffee and Progresso soup.

Many items that didn't claim to have any connection to cancer research had also turned pink in an apparent effort to catch the crumbs of dribbled market share from shoppers hell-bent on pink consumption. Both Gatorade and "Pink Truck Pink Wine" were prominently displayed. The one product already perfectly Breast Cancer Awareness pink - calamine lotion - was sitting on its shelf in its topical, soothing, unassuming way, completely oblivious to the pink cyclone raging around it. No comment, either, from Spam.

Nevertheless, prior October and all of my new-found awareness, I was startled when KitchenAid came out with its line of pink appliances and cooking gadgets. A KitchenAid mixer is quite an investment and it will likely be taking up residence on your countertop for many years. I don't know too many people who like pink so much that they want a pink kitchen. But, ok. About $50 (17 percent) of your approximately $300 purchase will be going to the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation, and you can actually use a mixer. Maybe you can put a mixer cover over it or hide it in a cupboard if the pink starts to get on your nerves.

Then Better Homes and Gardens put out their Pink Plaid cookbook, which coordinates with the mixer. Again, okay. People cook and commemorative cookbooks have been sold to fund projects from church building to the PTA for generations. But since the introduction of the wholesome, nurturing mixer and cookbook, I found myself assaulted by pink goods everywhere I turned. To borrow from Dylan, I am tangled up in pink.

A cursory search of Target.com and Amazon.com provided an exhaustive list of merchandise, and here it is. Just put "Breast Cancer Awareness�" in front of each item as you read these, and save me the typing: baking set, water pitcher, Ionic Hairstyler and Ionic Hair Straightener, instant hair rollers, Trim Phone, Polaroid Digital Camera, KitchenAid food chopper, Dirt Devil, 2-slice toaster, Playmate Personal Cooler, cosmetic brush set, hand mixer, gardening kit, canvas gardening gloves, boxed pen set, filing folder system, water bottle and travel mugs, measuring cups and spoons, candy, lanyards, car magnets, flag pen and highlighter, yoga mat, batteries, spinning key chain, Beanie Baby, air purifier, notepads, nail polish, tea light candle holder, utility whisk and spatula, can opener, ice cream scoop, business card holder, project planner, Dyson vacuum cleaner, Christmas tree ornament, sticky notes, jewelry of all kinds, clothing and accessories of all kinds, a tool set (pliers, hammer, screwdrivers and tiny saw) and banners.

The oddest of this abbreviated list is a Pink Padlock, a set of Pink Ribbon Rubber Duckies, a Pool Ball Set (cue and 8 ball) and an Antenna Topper. Just when I thought I couldn't get any more aware, I checked out the on-line Pink Ribbon Shop. And there's more. So much more.

Ready? Breast Cancer Awareness: picture frame, suncatchers and stained glass, balloons, visor clip, fleece blanket, journal, soap, golf balls and a golf bag, umbrella, cell phone accessories, zipper pull, temporary pink ribbon tattoos, cookie cutters, scrapbooks and supplies, pet collar, reading glasses, computer mouse, toothbrush, nightlight, beverage coaster set, pot holder and hot pad, windchimes, iPod case, backpack, and pink ribbon charms for your Crocs (the shoes, not the reptiles, although it's probably just a matter of time).

The Pink Ribbon shop says that it has donated $17,491.00 to breast cancer research to date. That seems like a tiny drop in the pink bucket given the prices and quantity of merchandise they offer, but my signature color is more cynical than rosy, so what do I know? If you click on to the Susan G. Komen Promise Shop...well, it goes on.

I'm waiting to see how far this envelope can be pushed. Breast Cancer Awareness harmonicas? Breast Cancer Awareness car seat covers and floor mats? (Wait, I think you can actually buy those.) Breast Cancer Awareness potting soil and condoms? John Deere Residential 27-hp/ V-Twin/iTorque X728 Breast Cancer Awareness Riding Lawnmower? Breast Cancer Awareness truck bed liners and trampolines and power saws? I didn't look it up, but I have every confidence that there's a Breast Cancer Awareness hot air balloon floating along somewhere and some car manufacturer like Nissan has already added pink as a color option on the 2008 XTerras.

Not to mention the various sporting events and recreational activities that could go far, far beyond foot races and bike-a-thons: Breast Cancer Awareness Dog Sled Championship, Monster Truck Challenge, Extreme Beach Frisbee Blowout. Breast Cancer Awareness Girls Gone Wild. Surely there is nothing that you could consume, and no event that you could attend that is impervious to pink metamorphosis. It's a pink goldmine.

The sheer universality of breast cancer ensures that it will stay in the forefront of the public consciousness for a long time to come. It has a color. It has a graphic symbol. It has races and fundraisers in its name. It has vast exposure and, therefore, enormous marketing potential for advertisers of all stripes. And we are very likely to keep buying pink ribbon things - not because we are simply keen on donating to the cause (sending the Komen Foundation a check, directly, would be far more effective than the few pennies they realize from your purchase of a pink whisk), but because we buy for the small comfort and feeling of solidarity it brings.

We could do worse, of course - much, much worse than waking up some day in the, hopefully, near future and finding ourselves surrounded by obsolete and tacky pink things. Maybe we'll look at our pink mixer, groan at its awful pinkness and berate ourselves for not choosing a more appealing color (like blue - the color of hope). Maybe our granddaughters will box it all up for the garage sale and say, "What was that pink ribbon fad about? I don't remember."

Note-to-Self 2: I predict we won't see the exact likes of this phenomenon again any time soon - where a color became inextricably entwined with an idea of caring and giving and shopping and consuming all at once. This pink bubble will burst of course, as all bubbles do, but it's been an intriguing ride. Any new campaign will have to make an extraordinary effort to promote a color and achieve the sort of visibility and recognition that Breast Cancer Awareness has reached with its signature pink. Not that other organizations aren't valiantly trying; the Ovarian Cancer Research Foundation is claiming teal as its signature ribbon color. The American Heart Association has a "Go Red for Women" campaign symbolized by a little red dress, and it's getting competition from RED, a purchasing program to fund AIDS in Africa.

Note-to-Self 3: If you're curious about just what percent (if any - the ribbon logo is not copyrighted and can be used whether or not any proceeds from a sale are donated) of your pink purchases go to benefit breast health, check out www.post-gazette.com

Note-to-Self 4: Rejoice, fans of Mr. Deity! Ten (count 'em, TEN) new episodes of "Mr. Deity" have found a home at Sony Entertainment, Company. Follow the adventures of our favorite spiritual guides Mr. Deity, Larry, Lucy and Jesse

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Ingrid divides her life between the San Juan Islands (where her heart lives) and Austin, Texas (where her paycheck is generated). While Ingrid is spiritually promiscuous, she credits her guru, Jimmy Buffet, for her mantra ..."If we couldn't laugh, we would all go insane."

Ingrid is an old-school Libra and believes that the Revolution should be a catered event.

Her column appears every other Thursday in San Juan Islander. To contact Ingrid, send emails to ingrid@sanjuanislander.com

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