Letters about alcohol abuse

LETTERS ABOUT ALCOHOL USE

Dear Editor,

posted 10/17/03
Letter to anyone with eyes and ears!!
Okay, the verdict is in, and he is found guilty of two out of three counts of rape!! Most of you are probably thinking that he did in fact deserve what he got, maybe some of you are thinking that the girls deserved it?? In both cases there is definitely yes's and no's.

Are we going to put on trial the fathers and older brothers or the guy on the street who buy our children the alcohol?? Or the family's who keep a bar stocked so the teens can feel free to party when ever they want?? What about all the drug dealers that our Sheriff's department has been told about and given evidence about but do absolutely nothing about??? Do we put them on trial?

Do we put our officers on trial when teens are stopped for MIP's, some are given citations, others are given free rides home to their parents with no repercussions from the law?? Where are the mothers and fathers when all of this is going on??

Are they out a bars, drinking and doing the things that they don't want their children to do? Are they out making drug deals to score that "little bit more" to be able to put in another eight hours of work?? What in the heck are we teaching our Children???

If our law enforcement officers are not acting upon tips given to curtail under age drinking or people buying alcohol for them, than where do we go from here?? We go higher up!!!

I think with everything that has happened, if we do not wake up and so something soon, we will see the fall of even more of our youth!! We need to take back their innocence!!! Stand up for what is right, and get help from higher ups to fix what is wrong, (DEA, ATF).

I know in my heart that I am not the only one who feels this way. Make a Difference and lets start today!!!!!

Cyndie Stephenson

Dear Editor,

posted 10/09/03
It seems to me that a significant but missing element of the whole Ryan LaBoe discussion is the fact that kids have figured out how to get alcohol.

Who's buying it for them? I would think that the people who work at the stores, locals who are either young themselves or who have kids, must have some idea who shares the alcohol that barely legal kids buy, or that eternally young people buy. Or who is in the car with the person buying the stuff. I would think that after a while the cops would figure out who buys for the kids. In the cities, the cab drivers are always a great source of anything you want. Is that possible here?

There are only a few places to buy alcohol on each island, so with a little detective work, something could be done.

Bob Querry

Dear Editor,

posted 10/08/03
Although I don't live on the islands, I have been for the last year, reading the San Juan Islander daily with hopes that I soon will be. One of the things I love most about the islands is the feeling of caring and a society of togetherness.

I have raised two children, one whom is in college and another who is a medical assistant. It was not an easy job and as any parent can tell you, it never is. The sadness of your child hurting or the joy of another goal achieved by them or even sometimes disappointments.

As a parent, I tried to teach my kids about morals, values and the word of God. They have smoked pot, had sex as a teen, underage drinking, hung out with the "wrong people", the reason I know this? I asked questions. I talked to my children and gave them my advise and opinions, my family got involved when I was unable to reach them and I spanked them when they were younger and I grounded them when they got older. I didn't excuse them the first time they got caught shoplifting-I took them to the jailhouse and had the police officer talk to them, they went into the cell and sat for a half hour. When the school called me due to misbehaving-I took off work and sat in the back of the room-just to embarass them, their mommy was sitting in the back of the room, and when they acted up-I spoke up.

Your children are not raised by society. You mold your children into responsible adults. You don't sit and wait for teachers or the neighbor to do it for you. If your children are falling into "peer presure"- then you make them understand the consequences. If your children are going down the wrong path-then as a parent you steer them down the right path. I was a single mother, my children came before anything or anyone. And it was the toughest job I ever held as it still is.

The death of Ryan was an awful tragedy, my heart and prayers go out to Toni and the rest of Ryan's family and friends. The fact that it was a hit and run tells me that the driver felt no responsiblity for what she just did. That alone is a reason to keep her behind bars, she needs to learn what she has done and hopefully she will learn her lesson regarding drinking and driving, along with her friends. But they probably won't.

We have the same school demonstration here about drunk driving at our high schools. One of the boys playing the drunk driver, who had killed his best friend, was killed two weeks after his high school demonstration-he was driving drunk. Kids feel as if they are invincible and we as parents need to show them they are not. Use the police dept., fire dept., morgue-what ever you need to raise them with. But don't wait for society to raise your children or the excuse of peer pressure- talk to your kids and get angry.

Its not ok to allow underage drinking or smoking pot in your home or on the corner or sitting on the beach-it's your responsibility as a parent, no one elses.

I don't mean to offend anyone by my letter, but as a society we all want the same thing, and that is to raise healthy, responsible adults, not excuse their mistakes. My children were not perfect and belive me when I say they had their moments and I have had feelings of total frustration, defeat and failure. All I can say is as a parent, stay strong and know what you want from them and say, this is unexceptable and I wont tolerate it-then follow thru on whatever you've said.

I'm not trying to teach you how to raise your children, you know how, but after reading the last three letters in this column-one letter sounded to me as if excuses were being made for the actions of these children and that's not fair to any of the victims. Thank you for letting me speak my views, and again Im not trying to offend anyone on the islands, just felt I needed to give some outside criticism.

Teresa Caravalho

Dear Editor,

posted 09/25/03
In reading Carol Ford's letter regarding the tragic death of Ryan Lobue, I would like to point out the following concerning her statements about the two teens who have been charged with rape in this community. First, I do not think it appropriate to use Ryan's tragic death as a forum to falsely accuse these teens of not only committing crimes which have yet to be proven, but also of having committed additional previous crimes of which no one is aware.

Ms. Ford has found these boys guilty and convicted them prior to trial. In this society, they are innocent until proven guilty. Many persons in this community know these boys and do not believe the allegations.

Until trial, Ms. Ford cannot decide their guilt or that of their parents. Second, what kind of a mind would weave such a thread during a period of grieving? It is not easy to raise children in contemporary society and each parent tries his or her best. I believe that even though parents try hard to deter their children from following the wrong path, peer pressure and other factors lead to occasions when a parent's influence is overshadowed.

Carol Bodien

Dear Editor,

posted 09/20/03
As a friend and as a mother, my heart is breaking for Toni LoBue and her family. Toni is living every parent’s nightmare and we should each be thinking, "there but for the grace of God go I" because the truth is it could have been any one of our children on the road that evening.

My sons ride bikes, skateboard and walk everywhere they go and I can’t count the number of times I’ve said, "Be careful!" as they head off. They usually answer in an off-hand way, "Sure, Mom." then off they go and I try not to think about all the what ifs. What if someone is distracted for a moment and doesn’t see them in time? What if someone doesn’t stop at a stop sign? What if a carload of people decide to drive out to "watch the sunset on the west side" and feel they need alcohol to do that? Will they be watching out for my sons?

Those "what ifs" turned into reality for Ryan and now his family’s lives will never be the same. Those young adults made a decision to drink and drive that day and they took someone else’s life into their hands when they made it. There was only one driver but each one of those four people made a choice when they got into that car. Will they be held accountable for the choice they made that day?

What if they had been held accountable for their actions in the past? What if their parents had taught them that a bad decision is still a decision and it carries consequences, likely irreversible ones? What if they thought for one second about the responsibility they were accepting by getting into a car while drinking. Would things have turned out differently? Would Ryan be alive today?

We have too many examples of a lack of accountability by the young people in our community; too many examples of tragedies occurring involving alcohol and drugs and they need to stop. If a community of this size and intellect can’t get a grip on a problem so obvious, where is the hope for the world?

There are two young men, high school students, soon to be on trial for felony counts of rape against multiple victims: their own classmates. Yet another example of an alcohol and drug inspired tragedy. Had these two been held accountable for their past actions instead of excused, could their latest crimes have been avoided? Each action ignored or covered up leads to a more serious violation the next time. Every parent who covers up their child’s wrong-doing to avoid unpleasant repercussions is teaching that child that his or her actions carry no responsibility and that protecting themselves and their standing in the community ranks above doing what is right.

Before you teach your child to drive, they need to learn responsibility. Before you let your child head off with friends, be clear that they are accountable for their actions as well as the actions of the people they have chosen to be with. When you teach your children about making decisions, make sure they understand that the decisions they make can impact the lives of others in either a positive way or in a way that may carry devastating and life-long consequences.

We have to stop making allowances for the negative, and often illegal, behaviors of a small group of young people in this community and continue to encourage the majority trying to make good and responsible decisions. Nothing we do or say will bring Ryan back and that is the most sorrowful truth of all, but, through our actions, we can ensure that we won’t be writing letters like this about someone else and we won’t be placing flowers, notes and crosses in yet another spot on this island.

We have to acknowledge that we have a problem with drugs and alcohol here and that it’s a big problem; then we have to take the actions required to put a halt to it. We all want to do something for Toni and taking action is the only thing I can think of that will make any kind of a difference.

Carol Ford

news @sanjuanislander.com

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