THE WAY FRIENDSHIPS WORK

In every case, however, there was some commonality that attracted us into friendship. In the beginning, my best friends were neighborhood children with whom I loved to play. In school, I engendered close bonds with classmates who shared common interests, skills or backgrounds. As an adult, I've met good friends in connection with work, social organizations, and hobbies.

I still create lasting friendships in these ways, but now I also "meet" friends through social networking, virtual meetings, conference calls, and blog surfing. I often share things with these friends that I would be far less apt to tell someone face to face, and they do the same with me. Some of these virtual friendships have lasted more than a decade without meeting in person. We chat online. We talk on the telephone. We send each other greeting cards and gifts. Yet we have never, ever, met in real time.

So I find myself questioning whether these are real friends. Would I place my life or my life savings in the hands of all these people? Probably not; but, then, I wouldn't trust some of my face to face friends that much either. However, an old proverb states: "If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it probably is a duck."

Many of my needs can be met just as well virtually as in real time. Others cannot. Once I decide what I need from a given friendship, then I can assess whether that need is being met. And that, I believe, is the way all friendships work.